Today was a good day.

Well, I guess I should back up - it's been a series of good days, and difficult days, but I'm now a graduate of Kenyon College, magna cum laude, and a member of Phi Beta Kappa. The latter has basically short-circuited my propensity for yelling at myself that I might be good, but I'm not good enough. No matter how much I struggled this last semester, with myself and with everything around me, I still managed to impact people, to leave a reminder of myself.

And now I'm home, away from campus, and I don't know the next time I'll be back. Or the next time I'll be in this house, after I leave on the 1st for Portland.

Oh yes - I'm moving to Portland at the end of this month, to start a life with Morgan and with David. This comes back to today being a good day. A few weeks ago, when we decided to shift our focus from Colorado to Oregon, I scrolled through the people who sell at the Portland farmers' markets. I sent an email off to a german-style artisan bakery. I got an email back within twenty minutes, asking me to call, and to come in at some point so we could talk about options - for potential employment.

I called, and then today I called again, now that I could give him a definite date starting from which I'd be in town. I have an appointment now, to see him. I'm trying not to get my hopes too high, but at the very least, he's been wonderfully polite and professional, and says my name in the most adorable way possible (Kaht-leen).

I also did all my laundry, and folded it, finished the book I started reading last night (and did I mention that I can read again? My attention is restored! All thanks to the medication I take daily now, that keeps me from tearing myself to shreds). I went on a walk. I talked to the man who might employ me on the phone and made that appointment. I've been practicing my knit stitch, and I've been watching Supernatural. Last night I rewrote a scene in a fic that's been troubling me, and set the story back on track. A week ago I made a fully functional ebook from a fic I wrote, just to practice.

I want to write something original, and soon, and I think that in the last year and a half my skill at writing has increased to the point where I might have a shot at finding an audience.

I've written a lot more than I've posted here - largely because I've been on tumblr, and largely because they've been chaptered stories that would have been too much work to format. But I'm intensely proud of all of them. Each marks a measurable increase in my skill, my confidence, and my willingness to experiment and alter certain habits, to see the effects.

I'm not entirely sure what this post is for, except to say, perhaps, that I'm back. On tumblr, I could make tiny personal posts - I didn't feel weighted down to explain everything, and I had so much to work through this past half year, and so much distracting me before it. Now, I want a place again to ramble and consider and write for myself, so here I am. There probably won't be any fic here, but there will be me - an altogether better trade, I should think.

So hello again. :)

Title: Of Wolves (or, Little Red Riding Teagan and the Big Bad Cauthrien)
Authors: cherith & serindrana
Fandom: Dragon Age
Pairing: Ser Cauthrien/Bann Teagan
Rating: M
Wordcount: ~15,00
Summary: The Regent has taken Fereldan and the paths have all grown dark. Teagan's brother has taken ill, but on his way to Rainsfere, he meets a wolf on the road... (ff.net & Ao3)
Notes: A fairytale AU, and our holiday gift to all of our readers.

Part 1 Part 2

Title: Since Ostagar
Fandom: Dragon Age
Pairing: Ser Cauthrien/Carver Hawke
Rating: T
Wordcount: ~4,300
Warnings: None
Summary: After the Deep Roads, Carver Hawke is stationed at Ansburg. In charge of his training is one Cauthrien, former knight of Ferelden and current representative in Weisshaupt. And everything about their relationship is a fucking mess - except for when it makes perfect sense. (ff.net & Ao3)
Notes: Written for seimaisin.

( Ferelden had had its share of mud, yes, but something about Ansburg's was different. Maybe it was just how soul-sucking it was. )

So, I've been taking intensive intro Mandarin, yeah? Three months now. I can even say stuff like your driving makes me nervous, you should drive more slowly. Very exciting!

And right now I'm home for the week. Today I went to the sushi place I frequent, which is staffed by people from Taiwan and mainland China. I'm sort of friends with the owner, and so I mentioned I'd been taking Chinese (he asked how my studies were going) and he seemed amused, but I left it like that because I didn't want to be lol awkward LET ME SPEAK YOUR LANGUAGE BADLY at him.

But after the meal, he came back around and thanked me in Chinese so I complimented the meal, and he understood me and tried to teach my grandfather how to say it (awkward, as his hearing aids... don't work). So I wrote a little message in hanzi on my paper table mat thing, because I was too embarrassed to say anything else but I wanted to practice... or something, I don't know. And I was just going to leave it there without saying anything. But my grandfather pointed it out.

And it all made sense! \o/ (It was just thanking them all for lunch, which was delicious, and my name.) And the owner was so patient with me and everything and just...

I'm actually learning a living language.

I am.

WHAT IS THIS MADNESS.

So, I think I'm hitting a point of writing burn out. I have ideas, a ton, but puttin words on a page has been painful for over a week and I feel like I must not know my source material well anymore. Origfic doesn't seem any more attractive. And I'm posting this here instead of tumber because I don't want it to come off as a cry of OMG READ MY STUFF STROKE MY EGO because it has nothing to do with that.

I mean, I guess with how much I've written it makes sense, but I have ideas I still really want to share... And if this keeps up, I think I'm done? That's what it feels like. That I'm slipping away from it and don't have a gut level fear of it.

What I really want is some yarn to start a project with, get my hands and brain doing something different, but the yarns I have don't work. Need to go shopping over break (Which is next week).

In other news, I have a Chinese written test today. I like these. :) there's something very satisfying about the.

Title: War is Never Cheap Here (12/12)
Authors: cherith & serindrana
Game: Dragon Age: Origins
Pairing: Bann Teagan/Ser Cauthrien
Series Rating: NC-17/AO
Chapter Rating: T
Series Wordcount: 99,400
Chapter Wordcount: 9,043
Warnings: Dark. Violence and abduction. Reference to sexual assault.
Summary: Edlyn is found. The return to Rainsfere is accompanied by duty and regret - as is the final leaving of it. (Ao3) (FF)
Notes: War is Never Cheap Here is now finished! It's been a great ride (and Maker, it's taken nearly half a year), and we're so glad you came along with us. We have other projects in the works, so remain on the look out. Thank you all so much for reading and supporting.
Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12

( We did as well as we were able. Nothing more can be asked of us. )

Title: War is Never Cheap Here (11/12)
Authors: cherith & serindrana
Game: Dragon Age: Origins
Pairing: Bann Teagan/Ser Cauthrien
Series Rating: NC-17/AO
Chapter Rating: T
Series Wordcount: 99,400
Chapter Wordcount: 8,146
Warnings: Dark. Violence and abduction.
Summary: The butcher's boy returns with the whole story. Cauthrien and Teagan ride south in search of Edlyn, hoping only that they can make it in time. (Ao3) (FF)
Notes: War is Never Cheap Here will be updating weekly, on Fridays. Projected length looking like twelve chapters.

Only one more chapter! This and the next, however, are pretty dark and heavy. Tread lightly.
Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12

( Her job does not involve settling matters in this bannorn. But instead you would abandon your duties to chase after a single missing girl, in order to follow the dictates of your loins? )

I'm up far, far too late (this is becoming a disturbingly regular occurrence), but before I finally lay my head down, have Halloween pictures! I, like most years, just threw on stuff from my closet. Being a costume nerd does have some advantages.

So some tight-lacing and half a stick of eyeliner later, and you get this:











(smaragdina, David, and me! ROGUE WARRIOR MAGE, clearly.)

( And under here is a shot of how small we got my corset down for a few shots )

Title: Amaranthine Spring
Game: Dragon Age Origins
Pairing: Ser Cauthrien/Nathaniel Howe
Rating: T
Wordcount: 6,903
Warnings: None
Summary: Spring in Amaranthine is cold, damp, and miserable, but it's better than a stone cell. Serving the Wardens is not like serving Ferelden, but it's a start. (ff.net & Ao3)
Notes: Beta'd by smaragdina. Prequel to Chevalier Games and Ash Warriors.

( He wasn't doing a very good job of being Commander of the Grey, by the standard Kallian Tabris had set. No wonder that Weisshaupt was sending a replacement. )