Dragon Age Origins
A Life for a Life (Ser Cauthrien/Loghain Mac Tir, Ser Cauthrien/Desire Demon, t)
A Weapon to be Wielded (female bodied Brosca/Sten, t)
Couper la Poire en Deux (Ser Cauthrien/Zevran, AO)
1 2 3 4 5 6
Crawl Into Your Shadow (Ser Cauthrien/Nathaniel Howe, m/AO, AU)
Sandcastle Virtue (Shianni/Zevran, M/AO)
1 ? ?
Temper, Temper (f!Tabris/Zevran, AO)
1 Interlude 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9
ff.net Ao3 (interlude ff.net Ao3)
The Long Vigil (Gen, Alistair, M)
The Seasons of Our Day (Cauthrien/Mhairi, t)
To Serve the King That's Good and Kind (Ser Cauthrien/Alistair Theirin, AO)
War is Never Cheap Here (Ser Cauthrien/Bann Teagan, AO, cowritten with cherith)
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12
Dragon Age Origins: Awakening
Amaranthine Nights [Series]
Amaranthine Spring (Ser Cauthrien/Nathaniel Howe, t) | Part 1
Chevalier Games (Ser Cauthrien/Nathaniel Howe, AO) | Part 2
Ash Warriors (Ser Cauthrien/Nathaniel Howe, AO) | Part 3
Unwarranted Affections (Ser Cauthrien/Nathaniel Howe, m/AO, AU)
Whispers in the Dark (f!Amell/Anders, past f!Amell/Alistair, t)
Dragon Age 2
Anything of Weight (Bethany Hawke/Sebastian Vael, t, post-game)
Bound (Bethany Hawke/Sebastian Vael, t, post-game)
Dream You Wide Awake (Connor Guerrin/Feynriel, t, post-game)
If Wishes Were Poppy Dreams (f!Hawke/Anders rivalmance, t)
Sex and Other Vices, Love and Other Drugs (f!Hawke/Anders rivalmance, post-game, AO)
The Dangers of an Apostate (or, Fist of the Maker) (Meredith/f!Hawke, dubcon, AO)
The Instruction of a Prince (Ser Cauthrien/Nathaniel Howe, Ser Cauthrien/Sebastian Vael, Nathaniel Howe/Sebastian Vael, Ser Cauthrien/Nathaniel Howe/Sebastian Vael, AO, pwp)
Understand (Anders/f!Hawke/Nathaniel Howe, AO, giftfic)
-that, given how much has happened this year, are kind of amazing to write about!
Here’s the narrative: Girl, in the middle of her most prolific writing period EVER, goes to visit family and friends in Ohio, with her parents. While there, her father gets incredibly stoned (has a history, but hasn’t smoked in a while, and according to both father and godfather (the supplier), it was potent stuff) while godfather is in a drunk, stoned, and manic phase, god complex in full swing, ranting about how nobody is as good or as dedicated as he is to Art with a capital A, and how my father has failed his younger self by becoming just a store clerk and not Creating. Father collapses onto the (cement) floor, girl and step-mother barely catching him in time. Godfather remains Up, and pesters girl all night about how she shouldn’t be worried about her father, how he’s Safe In The Company Of His Friends (who did not go to catch him), how she needs to Create and be Not Afraid. Girl sleeps in dad and step-mother’s bed that night because she’s afraid to sleep on her own in Godfather’s house.
Girl returns home the next morning in a daze.
Girl latches onto an idea provided by Maybethings, and writes 53k words of a single story in about nine days, while also getting to know Defira and coming up with an Awesome Idea.
Girl finishes the draft o Exiles All The Longer t 5 AM the day she leaves for her last semester of college and starts on he Devil in Creation. But all is not well. The last several days have been what she later finds out to be a mixed manic state, complete with sobbing, shaking, and believing simultaneously that she is the most amazing she will ever be, and that she is the worst scum of the earth.
A few weeks later, she can’t get out of bed, because the walls are the wrong intensity of off-white, and school becomes impossible.
A week or so later, she’s on the first medication so that she can actually leave her room and go to class without shutting down completely.
But the girl keeps writing, forces herself to rally, finishe Scattered Coin n Exiles All The Longer, takes a lot of days off of class, and with the support of her professors, ends up writing a few really good papers, graduates magna cum laude, gets inducted into Phi Beta Kappa, and then, a week after graduation
moves across the country to Portland.
LadySmaragdina’s family puts her and the boyfriend up for two weeks. Friends of the boy’s family then let them housesit for two and a half more weeks. The boy finds a brief job. The girl takes a few temp cooking jobs and hurts her back (which has still not healed). The girl writes what will end up bein Eram Quod Es.
They find an attic apartment. The gir gets her first tattoo, designed by CaffeineTooth. The girl gets a job at a legal firm. She finishes The Nevarran Mummy Incident.
Over the next few months, she takes a second job, makes rent (barely) every month, and weans herself off of her medications and finds that she’s back to being able to cope. And in December, the boy gets a new job and the girl gets a econd tatto to honor her mother (also designed by caffeinetooth), is extended a potential offer of full-time-with-benefits employment, sees some of her family for the first time since moving, spends a wonderful Christmas with the boy’s family, and is actually factually published for the first time ever.
(Did I count my blessings well enough, David?)
I didn’t do NaNo, I didn’t surpass rent, I’m on food aid (for another few weeks) and had to defer my loans, but holy fucking shit look what else I did!
And here’s a quick writing breakdown. Fandom first, because it’s easier to quantify:
- Paradise Circus posted through Ch. 4, written through Ch. 10. ~40k.
- Exiles All The Longer, 55k.
- Scattered Coin, 36k.
- And Fall, 18k.
- And Stay, posted through part 5, fully written. 11.5k
- The Nevarran Mummy Incident, written only partially this year, but let’s be generous. 20k.
- The Devil in Creation, written but not edited through probably Ch. 12 or so, posted through Ch. 4. Only counting what’s posted (since the rest was written in RP form, which inflates wordcount a lot), 27k.
- And about 14k of smaller ficlets, drabbles, and the like
Then add i Eram Quod E (6k), an untitled short story I’m working on (2k so far), and various dabblings in a few longer projects, and I’ve written…
229,000 (or thereabouts) words in 2012.
Not as much as I wrote in 2011, but way more than I thought I did. David pointed out once that though I talk as if I go months and months between writing anything, the reality is more that a month is the longest I go. Of course, I post fewer things, and what I do post are longer. Not many drabbles, not many oneshots. And I’m still incredibly proud of the things I’ve written, even iftoday s the first day I’ve posted something I’ve written RECENTLY (i.e., within a month or two of writing it) since spring. I couldn’t keep up my level of productivity, or fandom involvement, but I’m pretty comfortable with that. I wish I could have given more to everybody - that might be my only regret.
So all in all, I think 2012 was a pretty awesome year. Just a very, very difficult one. Thank you, so much, to everybody who’s been there for me I love you all, and thank you so, so much. <3
Happy New Year, everybody.
Still waiting on students being scheduled for me.
Because of holidays, and being away for family visits, I'm scared about making rent again. I have to miss work, and it's not paid time off. I'm really regretting agreeing to go. But if I hadn't, David would have stayed with me to make sure I wasn't alone, and then his family would have been upset. Argh. So all I can hope for is that I get a few students, because just a few hours teaching would make me able to make rent.
Also, there have been a lot of people coming to visit lately, and it's like I won't have a week to myself until January. First David's father came to visit, then the wonderful Val, and now I have a week or so off until Thanksgiving trip, and then in the second week of December, my aunt's coming out to get a tattoo with me, and then a week and a half after that it's Christmas trip.
Too much! Let it just be spring and boring and lonely again. I need the space.
ADVENTURES IN ADULTHOOD PART 19102971:
Was in the bath today when there was frantic knocking on the door. Got dressed, went down, it was the downstairs neighbor (we live in the top half of a 100+ year old house that was converted to a duplex) saying there was water pouring down her kitchen wall
cue walking upstairs to double check that, indeed, her kitchen is directly under our bathroom
thirty minutes of manually bailing water later, crisis is averted, but we still don't know what caused it because the plug was in the whole time and wasn't audibly leaking, especially not enough for water to be pouring down downstairs, and it stopped ten minutes before I was done bailing
OUCH MY ARMS
also our gutters need to be cleaned, but idk if the landlord would let us do it, and besides, he's off in Mexico for the next four to six months anyway
(In other house news, the main tenant who we sort of sublet from (yay Portland housing situations) doesn't like having the heat on, which means that we're not going to have dedicated heat all winter. We can turn it on for maybe an hour at most. He did lend us (free) an electric heater, though. I find myself desirous of a kotatsu.)
A FULL TIME JOB APPEARS.
Fucking rare drops. 8|
So, I still have the part-time gig at the law firm, and it's still only two days a week (grumble grumble), which led to some panicking about rent (I couldn't make it without my savings) and a hurried search for housing and other employment. Housing turned up absolutely nothing.
Last weekend, I had two interviews - one with a tutoring business (actually a teaching demo + practice test, the interview was really the week before) and one with the bakery that originally interviewed me back in June, the first interview I had in Portland. I went into the weekend feeling like I'd come out with a job.
I got the bakery job offer last night and the tutoring job offer just half an hour ago.
I tried to put off a decision until tonight, to give the tutoring guys a chance to call, but I had to answer the bakery earlier tonight. I gave an affirmative, because full time employment = very good thing.
AND THEN the tutoring guys called. Which, given that the tutoring job is one that:
A) I am more comfortable with (the bakery job was actually opening shift at the cafe they want to start);
B) Fits my legal schedule better, allowing for expansion and flexibility at that job if it arises; and
C) Pays upwards of $20/hr
meant I got to make a very awkward call to the bakery to tell them that actually, I couldn't take the bakery job after all.
Which means, instead of celebrating, half of me is feeling like crap, even though logically I know I made the better financial AND emotional/mental health choice. Possibly physical health, too, BECAUSE:
I have an SI joint problem now on my right side courtesy of a day I spent working food service at a blues fest, and being on my feet all day would probably exacerbate it. $9-10/hr does not cover living expenses for two people AND physical therapy, even with my insurance.
So, I know I made the right decision. I just hate hate hate letting people down, and I tried really hard to not be put in the situation I ended up in anyway. Oh well. :/ At the very least, chances are good that whoever the bakery hires instead of me will have more experience with restaurant service, and will help everything move more smoothly for them.
(Also, benefits of living in a city - I probably won't ever see the bakery people again, since I live in a totally different area. Still, farmers markets downtown might be odd, since they sell there...)
Anyway. Training (not sure if paid or unpaid, will figure out then) starts on Friday. They're currently slammed with students, so I'll be working-working fairly soon. Knew my good standardized test scores would be good for something...
(Oh, and this test prep place focuses on, along with approaches to solving the questions, testing motivation and anxiety. YES LET ME LOVE YOU I have seen so many of my friends freeze up during tests even though they're smart and know the material.)
So, it turns out that with Oregon laws being what they are, my post-tax paycheck (which I get once a month, mind) isn't enough to cover rent, and David's still looking for a job.
But he's doing freelance leatherworking commissions and some yardwork, so for now we're okay. Gosh darn do I love my food assistance! But yeah, we're poking around for studio apartments that manage to be cheaper than what we have now ($750/month + utilities) while still being within reasonable commuting distance of my job, just in case my job continues to not give me the hours they've strongly hinted at (strongly enough that I stopped looking for a secondary job for a few weeks, mind) and David doesn't find anything.
I'm now 22 years old. I live in Portland, I have my own place, and I have a job that looks like it will eventually turn into a career. Sure, David is still looking for a job, we're on food aid, and we can barely make rent, but I'm two and a half months out of college, and I've accomplished all of that. I never had to run home or call for more money. Instead, David and I did this, with advice from people we met along the way.
My relationship with David is stronger and better than it's ever been, even with the money stress. We take turns cooking and cleaning, we take care of each other, and we talk and laugh and spend time together. I'm incredibly happy, and incredibly proud of where we are.
TWO MONTHS IN PORTLAND WHAT IS THIS FUCKERY
Two months, aaaand I have a job! It's only two days a week right now, but its guaranteed for eighteen months (and they want me for more), it pays $13.50 an hour (plus, wait for it), and I should be getting more hours soon as I learn more tasks.
It's in a law office.
I'm now officially a legal assistant.
I have a billable rate of over eighty dollars an hour for when I do direct client work.
I love my coworkers.
I MISS being at work because it's just the right level of active and challenging.
Right now it only just covers rent, so David and I applied for food aid and now have ~370 worth every month, which was WAY more than I was expecting. So thank you, Portland, and we may donate what's left at the end of each month towards food to take to homeless shelters and such.
Meanwhile, David doesn't have his arborist gig anymore, BUT he just had a great interview with a tropical fish wholesaler for a job doing aquarium husbandry. He said the place was well-run and very clean, the fish were healthy, so he's excited.
We have regular places we go (we go out once a week, during happy hour), have made a few friends at the local game store, and have attended our first SCA event.
And I'm knitting my first shawl!
So things are good. :)
Well, I've been in Portland for a month now. (Oh god that's terrifying.) I still don't have a job, David has a part-time gig, and we have a place to live for the next two months. It's the attic space of a lovely old house, very large and well-kept, and we have access to the rest of the house, we just have to be tidy, which is fine by me. The owner is a man in his late 30s, I think, who is Mexican and has lived and worked in Europe for a long time. Divorced, has three kids still living in Europe with his former wife. He has an AMAZING kitchen, is extremely friendly and nice, and speaks six languages. Oh, and we were his top picks out of everybody he interviewed for the space. :D
We move in on the 4th. We also got a barely used king sized WONDERFUL mattress from him for almost 1/4 of the original price, so yesterday we went out and got a platform bed frame for it along with some sheets. We're currently thinking about how we want to do bookshelves. Lots of low ceilings by the walls - it's a very slanted roof.
On the job search front, I've had six interviews, two with bakeries, one with a medical office as a receptionist, one with a farm to help with food deliveries, and two with data entry positions. I got a call back for three of them, telling me they'd gone with somebody else. The other three didn't even bother. I've sent off at least a hundred applications, dropped off 30+ resumes and cover letters... and nothing. It's frustrating, to say the least. David, on his first interview, got a part-time gig at an arbor service, which is $12-13/hr, and so far his hours have been 30-35 a week, not 20 or so. It actually completely covers our rent and then some. Morgan has an (unpaid) internship and a bit of a freelance job. And I'm just desperately contacting anybody and everybody, I've followed two inside tips for bakeries, and just... nothing.
So every three days or so I have a mini breakdown about how I'm worthless and a burden. David caught me before I restricted my food intake TOO much (under the opinion that since I'm not bringing in anything, I should limit my eating so we don't waste money on me). We also don't know anybody in the area, so most days, I'm at the house we're housesitting alone, spinning my wheels and hating myself.
We also are debit-card-less at the moment. David doesn't have access to his because of fuckery at his old bank, and mine is late in coming in to my NEW bank. It was supposed to arrive yesterday, and it didn't, so that was nice. Which means when we need money I have to walk to the nearest branch, while it's open, and withdraw cash from the teller. Which means usually while David isn't home, which means by myself when I have no motivation to so much as move.
But I did write and edit a short story, original, that as soon as I have a way to pay the reader fee, I'll be sending off to a competition. Fingers crossed... except not, because if I hope too much, I'll just end up devastated again.
In the meantime, I've been playing Diablo 3. Oh, and having really active, usually unpleasant dreams, about pretty much everything. So my sleep has been... woefully not great.
Oh! I started watching White Collar. Love it.
Can't think of much else...